


Life of a Boy Through Poetry

by Gintoki_19



Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry, Real Life, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-05-29 15:32:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gintoki_19/pseuds/Gintoki_19
Summary: Wrote this a few years ago about some awful person who I held in high regards doing something really shitty. I'm good now though I swear xD





	1. Complicated

Dark clouds linger with a barrage of rain  
Waiting for pressure to break my eyes  
If only I could relieve the pain  
But my mind doesn't know the word cry

A leaf releases from the clutch of trees  
Waiting for hands to claim my heart  
If only I was enough to satisfy their needs  
But my mind doesn't know where to start

I am a dying star that flickers out of sight  
Waiting for a match to rekindle my flame  
If only I could escape death's night  
But my mind has already lost the game

Stay at the gates, I am not your next project  
For I'm not worth navigating a mind so broken and complex.


	2. Missing Her

As each second passes  
The storm rages into the night  
Brief glimpses of your face in flashes  
An infinite relief to my sight

As each thought surfaces  
The feeling consumes my soul  
Angelic love of your design has purpose  
A mender of hearts to make me whole

As each day goes by   
The euphoria breaks my wall  
Ultimate catharsis of my love held inside   
A sign of happiness that will never fall

As each line is written  
The warmth floods my veins  
To you I am forever smitten  
For my sadness nay remains 


	3. Casualty

There are no words to grace these ears  
For no one cares about my fears

Drowned in a rapid that ceases to halt  
Caring not what one needs, only what they sought

Abandoned in death's frozen grip  
Where no fire can prevent my slip

Forgive these emotions without form  
Sorry they do not meet the social norm

Everything's fine, of course that's what we say  
When we can't explain why we feel this way

You thought my eyes showed tranquility?   
Leave your fantasy and face reality  
Before I become the next casualty.


	4. Gone Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this a few years ago about some awful person who I held in high regards doing something really shitty. I'm good now though I swear xD

Picking up the glass, I'm seeing red  
From all the lies that have been said  
While my face glares back at me a million times  
No one else can see my demise

I wish these thoughts would cease  
For all things I care for shall decease

Storms rip apart my fragile eyes  
Nothing can stop my hurricane cry  
Extinguish my inferno, stop this heart  
Before life and death tear me apart

I wish these thoughts would cease  
For all things I care for shall decease

Screams shred the tunnel like spears  
But not enough to prevent my fears  
From materializing into a nightmare  
Where if I stop breathing I wouldn't care

I wish these thoughts would cease  
For all things I care for shall decease  
And with one final breath  
I shall embrace my death.

No words left to say  
No reason to stay  
Now that you've gone away. 


	5. Spring

You loved these strange hues of mine  
Your lips claiming them so divine  
Now they crash with another palette  
While I'm colorless powder, smashed by mallet

Loving me is like spring, fade in and out

You cherished my rough embrace like a child  
You clung to every moment, no matter how mild  
Now your touch has fled to new landscapes  
While I'm numb with no escape

I am spring, my colors fresh at the start  
But not enough to entertain any heart  
To stay with me and never part.


	6. Winter Night

I walk in the night, guided by orb of white  
Flat like my eyes yet capable of iridescence  
Captivating the soul of the one who made this hole

_I will never be whole_

I'm wrapped in winter winds, void of love to lend  
Frozen whispers warmer than proclamations  
Escaping your serpent tongue before the first strike

_I was the one you chose to bite_

I conquer the leaves at my feet, destroying all I meet  
A shadow that lasts long after love sets  
Merging with a host overcome with grief

_I was poisoned by optimistic belief_

I stare at skeletons towering above  
All suited to give a platform for doves  
Carrying the toxin of heart known as love

_We are passed for our appearance nay last_

I create a cascade upon the broken mountain  
Fusing crimson and sapphire, the colors you desired  
Masking the shell as I lose my color

_I am stained by your reds and blues_

I stumble on glass, glimpsing at a stranger  
Staring at his face strikes an emotion within

_Let me out_

I pound at the glass, screaming into the void

_I will set you free_

I call out his name, reassuring myself I'll be alright

_You will be happy again_

I drop my head, the crimson and sapphire bleed again

_I can not save myself_

I stare at the stars, praying to a man I neglected for her

_I can't hear You_

I feel her touch, the glass cracking beneath

_I have lost my fight_

My heart beats for me as I fall out of sight

_I lost my life to you on that night_


	7. Monotone/ Colorful

A gentle breeze ruffles through my fragile skin

A sign of a new life that is about to begin

The trees still wear their icy veils upon their heads

Reminding me of a winter that brought me dread

I once could hear the ice crunch beneath my feet

Now my ears are deaf to my heart's own beat

The Sun has been tucked away in the distance

It's radiance now only a faint remembrance

A new warmth stirs inside my veins

As the ice storms turn to gentle rains

Veils begin to slip revealing a new sight

That shimmers in springs first light

Birds soar through the clouds and sky

Taking away my doubts as they fly

Flowers begin to dance in the breeze

To a song sang by whistling trees

This black and white world is now full of hues

And its all because of you


	8. Departure

Silence

A cavern without flickers of light knows no time of day  
Stories conveyed by chalk and paint   
Consoling the living soul held within its confines  
A place devoid of whispers, unable to produce an echo

Tap

A single click is all one can hear when the specter appears  
Trembles carried by stone and ice  
Traveling within my ears before making an escape  
To an abyss known only to those who approach the gate

Tap tap tap

A blinking glimmer reminds one the cave is neither rock nor canvas  
Hearts synchronized by time and space  
Revealing the world through a single metronome's beat  
To a musician once lost within his circadian rhythm

Pluck pluck pluck

A bouncing bow strikes strings of savory devotion  
Notes created by violin and piano  
Painting a world known only to those who hear their song  
A calling to dreamers who never experienced catharsis

Screech

A howling symphony paints nature in brilliant hues  
Spring bloomed by bliss and tranquility  
Dancing sakura leaves glide across the topaz sky  
A memoir to one's feelings towards another

Plink plink plink plink

Frantic fingers prance among the keys in search of the violinist  
Goodbyes told through symphonies and melodies  
Streaming rivers of sapphire crash against the shore  
A barrier between musicians sworn to a different life

Silence

Shooting stars twirl within the aromatic atmosphere  
Smiles bred by tears and memories  
An invisible hand comforts the one left behind  
A final note given to complete their song

Tap tap tap

A metronome and musician share the stage without an echo  
Music created by passion and remembrance  
Longing to reach angels held within their hearts  
A performance of life that must always go on.


	9. Fading Light

We meet once again, my old friend  
Under the dim winter night  
Without a star in our sight  
The fire we made only shone bright

We connect once again, my old friend  
Specks of ember dance around our irises  
Flakes in your eyes glimmer like stars  
Revealing the galaxy I would traverse

You reminisce once again, my dear patient  
Blots of ink intertwine like constellations  
Stories told of villians that gave you great strife  
Listing the qualities you wish they had

_All the qualities I had_

We embrace once again, my fading temptation  
Thoughts of more race only through my mind  
Falsities of love bred only through your lips  
A relationship found within several trips

_I'm the passing fields_

We part once again, my distant spector  
Stories you told have become my own  
For you were no better than those of old  
I have no fire left, only the stars above

For I will never be graced by a heart so bright  
That will restore life to my fading light. 


	10. Frustrated

I want to scream when you start talking  
The list you recite is far too long  
It gives me reason to keep on walking  
Because it didn't finish our song

I want to run when you try to touch  
The hand you give is covered in shards  
It cuts me deeper and hurts too much  
I wish lies weren't the only place you tried hard

I want to cry when you fail to come back  
The claims you make have no heart  
They break in half, reaffirming the fact  
I am a soul that you can easily part

I want to isolate my working mind  
For I am the one searching in the night  
Answers to my problems I wish to find  
But I succumb to the void for you were my light  
A demon disguised in holy white.


	11. Smiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking it back to one of the first ones I ever wrote a few years ago. I started writing cause this girl I liked self harmed, was depressed, and had family issues. I met her online on a random chatting app I joined since I wanted to be more social. I guess I felt writing was the best I could do at the time.

Smiles can be found on people

Smiles are beautiful things

Smiles can be gleeful

To some smiles are like strings

Strings that attach them to happiness

These strings become fragile

As they begin to delve into sadness

Sometimes this transition is gradual

Many times it comes in an instant

Although the sadness takes over

The smile stays persistent

But don't let the wool be pulled over

As soon you will see something 

The smile has lost its meaning


	12. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She enjoyed the poems, so I kept writing just for her. Of course, no one else knew about any of this. I took up the burden of listening to her issues, talking her out of harmful things, and just being there all while being a freshman in high school who had never done any of this before. Needless to say, I started falling because she accepted me for who I was.

Your cries out for help reach my ears

I come to you, and ask you what's wrong

You tell me about pain and all your fears

I tell you it's ok and give you a song

You tell me it helps and you are thankful

I tell you it's not a problem giving you aid

Improvement comes, and you're grateful

But all too soon, the improvement fades

Things begin to get worse, the pain is back

I try to help you, get you through the day

It doesn't help and soon you crack

This crack causes you to collapse

You soon fall victim to a relapse


	13. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so I decided it was love a month later. We talked like a couple, all the cute stuff, the nicknames, and it was always pure. She never asked me to do anything and neither did I. I can say this was my first love as strange as it may be.

I told myself love is for fools

It's only a game where you always lose

A game that makes you feel like a tool

And it can leave you with a nasty bruise

Love was for fools, until I met you

Your eyes disarmed me, your looks so fine

When I first saw you, I haven't a clue

That soon I wanted you to be mine

Love was for me, how could it be?

A simple conversation awoke my heart

You invaded my mind so quickly it seems

You tore my fears of love apart

Love is game that I chose to play

And it makes me happier each day


	14. The Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But she eventually stopped talking to me randomly one day. I didn't hear from her for two weeks until her sister informed me she committed suicide. I was heartbroken for a few days and even had a dream of suicide to be with her. Soonafter I decided to check her insta to see how her friends were handling it and it turned out she was alive and had gotten a boyfriend recently. The "sister" never existed and was just her pretending.

There is a place where colors bloom

Walking through the trees, a soft wind blows

You'll find happiness here, a place free of gloom

And it was all a secret, until I thought you should know

There is a place where it feels like a fire

The winds no longer there, scared of an evil

You loved it here, but I couldn't see your true desire

For what you sought after was a true upheaval

There is a place where the color fades

The winds returned, but no longer safe

The way they shredded the leaves reminds me of blades

This wasn't my home, I felt like a waif

There is a place barren and cold

Cutting your face, the wind rips you apart

What this place was, I thought I knew but now I've been told

What once was a forest, is now a shattered heart


	15. The Corner

I sit alone in my quiet little corner counting the hours

So weak from the isolation that no one knows they caused

My voice feels so frail as I see your back glower

No one is here for me, all conversations paused

As you walked away did you hear me?

My call for you to stay, the only thing I could do

They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but it's hard to see

When your pen is useless with no one to write to

Is it who I am that made you leave, my unimportant self?

I would change if I could, I didn't ask to be this way

So go ahead and put me on your broken, dusty shelf

And I'll sit in my quiet little corner watching you regret it everyday

You think I haven't broken but I guess you couldn't see

That I cry everyday asking one question: Can you hear me?


	16. I Remember

Faintly the street lights flicker with pain   
As they fade with the tales of a city long ago

I remember the smiles and laughs abroad  
That shone through clouds with a soft glow

The buildings loom like our fear of the dark  
As the sun sets on a horizon of golden days

I remember fascination overtaking reality  
Standing beneath art with nothing to say

Crowds diminish as we head separate ways  
While old friends cling to every second left

I remember when people were loving to all   
Never meeting a stranger that commits theft

My mind towers above me as a dark angel  
Whose lost his luster in the dead of night

I remember when I had no worries of mine  
Before I saw in life there is no right


	17. Love

My hands have healed hearts wounded from a war

But they can not stop you from walking out the door

My eyes have held back oceans full of cyanide

But they can not conceal the violent pain inside

My heart has been warm to those in need

But it can not satisfy your monstrous greed

My emotions were pure for your words alone

But now they are numb like a piece of cold stone

My perception was whole and couldn't be clearer

But now all I see are my flaws in the mirror

My mind was full of dreams of the days ahead

But your mind had other ideas instead

I believed in a love that was living and possible to feel

But now I know that love was never real


	18. Open Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess my biggest fear is being alone.

Wielding my sword in one hand, I take to the canvas  
Penning an open letter, one asked to be written  
As words strung together have not been effective  
For the reaper and I are still smitten.

These floods will pour as my walls collapse  
Spilling the rapids that tore away mountains  
Sculpted into a demon in an infinite relapse  
Shattered into pieces drowning in his fountain.

I am the black constellation lacking in connections  
To other beings of light scattered through dimensions  
Solutions are offered without an inspection  
Failing to remember the issues I've mentioned

 _Just stop talking to them_ is easy for a king to proclaim  
Perched amongst expendables in his collection  
I know the places we come from are the same  
But you don't want to be reminded of that reflection

 _You'll find someone new_ is what the fortune teller explains  
Peering at their life through the screen  
Unable to see the problem still remains  
For they are the person within their dream.

My vessels have not spilled blood  
My skin still naive to the blade  
I know I'm not the only one in this flood  
But you insist my problems must fade.

I feel no closure in your words  
For I know I'm still unheard  
When history repeats, tears will fall  
And I know you will be the last to call.

I feel caged away in the confines of my mind  
Accused of bottling things away in my chest  
But the oceans have stirred, there have been tides  
My emotions were just never in your eyes.

I feel alone despite billions of stars  
No soul willing to gaze into the heavens with I   
Some have tried but never get far  
For another galaxy is where they'd rather intertwine.

I feel my letter will do nothing but upset  
The ones who read it like a simple play  
For I am not the main character deserving of monologue   
Despite having so much to say.

I want these words to make things clear  
I'm imperfect and broken, in need of a friend  
I will never be afraid to lend you my ear  
A message to you I will always send  
When you feel conquered by your fears.

I want you to know that I don't see myself as a Saint  
I know I've done wrong and I apologize  
All I want is to make you happy, your world I want to paint  
And create a day where we can all see the sunrise.

If you read this letter and feel bitter  
Know I didn't write with you in mind  
Simply the emotions stirred over a lifetime  
Of a boy who was a lot of things, but never a quitter. 


	19. Hold On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend is struggling so this is for them.

I see you struggle, desperate for help

You look helpless, see no one around

Tears flood your eyes, weakly you yelp

And no one for miles hears a sound

I see you run to the dark, fearful of the day

Your only real friends are solitude and silence

You want to hear the words that no one knows to say

The feeling of love and comfort so foreign, replaced by violence

I see myself hiding my face, scared of what they'll say

Confidence absent, I flee to the shadows

My eyes betray me, they look the other way

As the feeling of losing overshadows

Just sit tight, as I give you my hand, hope isn't gone

Grab my hand, frail as can be, and hold on 


	20. When Winter met Spring

The trees still wear icy veils upon their heads   
While mine stays buried in mountains of dread.    
Sounds of jubilant voices and hearts fled   
To a warmer place that is free from dead   
And color is free to bloom in their heads.

_ Embrace my spring and consume my aroma. _

  
Mountains begin to melt in spring.   
As angelic bells start to ring   
I can only hear one bird sing.   
Rustling through the trees, my heart clings   
To the life this aroma brings.   
Conquering hills to be with spring. 

_ Rise with me and conquer these weakened skies. _

Be gone bleak Winter nights barren of life! 

Rising, I shall overthrow the moon’s throne 

And glorify Spring with all her light shone! 

Nothing can resist the warmth, not even stone 

For not even I could avoid internal strife. 

_ Careful my dear Icarus, the heart is hard to tame. _

No Sun could compete with such a fierce flame 

Devouring those borderline insane 

Believing this is a tamable fire. 

I am no tamer nor match yet I must accept the blame 

For why my forest will ne’er be the same.

_ Fragile leaf, the ground is unforgiving compared to the skies. _

  
Life is fading and losing its bright hues.    
As spring slips away, so does morning dew    
Depriving the clarity I couldn't lose.    
I reduce to ash thinking you'll refuse    
To return to a heart you will not choose   
And find another to reveal your hues. 

O forest, why must you tempt me with lies

And conjure oceans under these gray eyes? 

I’d rather shiver under grim night skies

For Winter conceals the Rapids in ice

And despite the void of light in the sky 

The darkness is clearer than your disguise.

  
  


_ Hey? Are you there? Does your heart long to be with me? _

  
The trees still wear icy veils upon their heads    
And I have yet to move a single step towards spring.    
While my heart yearns to paint the world bright    
I know when darkness falls and I lose the fight    
I, Winter, will forever lose my dimming light. 


	21. I Wish

I wish I could have a little faith  
In all the words you say  
Be assured my efforts aren't a waste  
Fighting this battle day by day

I wish I could have a little trust  
Believing you are truthful and pure  
But my thoughts are sharp on my mind of rust  
Conjuring anxious thoughts with no cure

I wish I could take the leap  
To act on feelings and make life bright  
But I only feel powerful in my sleep  
For I'm not reminded of my flaws in the night

I want my thoughts to cease their motion  
Before they cause a giant commotion  
Over things I should feel no emotion  
But fear, regret, and disaster are my only notions

I wish I knew how everyone felt about me  
So I can relax and focus on what I see  
Without the fear of drowning in life's sea  
Alone and unloved, the only thing I can be. 


	22. When I was 8

Can I turn back the time to when I was 8?

A time when I closed my eyes to the darkness

When love was a warm summer day and not heartache

When the rain was rain, not my tears of sadness

Can I turn back to a time when there wasn't hate?

A time when I could walk among others the same

When fear didn't control my lonely stroll to fate

When life felt like a story, not a sick man's game


	23. January Road

Headlights blaze as my mind shivers alone  
Driving an emotionless road made of stone

Lips sealed by mistakes made within a hour  
Leaving me wanting a love no longer ours

Hands left barren without a ring to claim  
Eager to retrieve it from an eternal flame

Eyes remember your face of pure delight  
As you left with a man in fragile moonlight

Tires slip from the road like our connection  
Crashing on a road made of your infection

Air bags catch my lifeless body in a second  
As my mind roams to a voice that beckons

My heart stays behind as I crawl away  
Screaming at a love that just wouldn't stay

I stroll alone in snowfall as my car explodes  
Burning my past life on a January road


	24. The Therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an online friend that thought suicide baiting me in order to talk to her crush was a great idea and somehow I was at fault.

I am the therapist, how are you today?   
Let's exchange names, an acquaintance made  
From all the friendly things we say  
While my feelings begin to fade

I am the therapist, pick your date  
To connect with me once more  
My name forgotten, your life going great  
While my happiness has walked out the door

I am the therapist, come to my place  
Sit down, have a drink, spill the tea  
Tell me why you can't win the race  
While my mental health begins to flee

Dear friend, please lend me an ear  
I need your help with these symptoms  
But you won't listen, I'll drown in my fears  
For I am a therapist and never a victim.


	25. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And heres the departure piece when I finally cut them off

Guess it's time to write off another page  
Of torment and worry, issues of mine  
Outcasted to fuel the "victim's" selfish needs   
Destined to this cycle is the fate I'm cursed  
Being pulled close only in starless nights  
Yearning for warmth that won't last  
Ended by the word spelt in these lines.


	26. Careful

Careful not to tap the glass  
The mind inside is fragile  
Thinking in loops its only task  
Creation of anxiety not gradual

Careful not to fog the case  
The heart inside is blind  
Searching for another's face  
A realization it's one of a kind

Careful not to scratch the screen  
The eyes behind are clouded  
Imaging a sky they've never seen  
Of a love without pain shrouded

Careful not to escape the box  
The world outside is stone  
One of your kind is not a sly fox  
That can escape the fate of being alone

Careful not to tap the glass  
The thoughts within are naive  
Thinking in loops is your only task  
To create a reality where everyone leaves.


End file.
